Disperzija

Profile | Gallery | Inbox

So I had trouble last week and I swear to God, I suffered a nervous breakdown. I'm 20 years old and have, like, 5 grey hairs on my head. The land-lady has given my roommates and I a hard time and was trying to pin us with a huge debt. Most of it is my fault 'cause I handle the bills, but she was very persistant and started making up things and, pardon my French, talk a lot of SHIT about me, which not only made me mad, but also devastated. 24 hours of pure suffering. I think I may have gotten like, 5 years older in just one day.

Luckily, heavy times prove what family and friends (which, if close enough, I categorize as one) are worth in your life and how much they love you, trust you and are willing to help you. I'd like to thank my roommates for trusting me, my father for helping me out and making me believe in him more and more every day at a time, and especially my mother who has proven she is the light of my life and how I will overcome every obstacle for them, but especially for her.

Nothing suits better now than Radiohead's "Fog" and EITS' "First Breath After Coma". Believe in your family. Love your family. You are nothing without them.

Profile | Gallery | Inbox

It's quite early in the morning. I have to admit I always hate myself for going late to sleep, but something made this night very different. I had a weak period of 2h sleep, which is nothing and quite devastating for my health, but I do not regret this night.

The land-lady is coming in a few hours to check on the apartment and my roomates and I. Most people get really nervous when it comes to a situation like that. But I just don't feel the same way. Although I can't wait to get rid of her today, at the same time I can't wait for her to come.

Been listening to free-jazz/jazz-fusion the whole night. It all started with "Kid A", of course, Radiohead's 21st century jazz/electronica masterpiece. The strange desire I'm feeling towards this genre led to classical, legendary musicians like Charles Mingus (to whom I'm listening at this exact moment, "Pithecanthropus Erectus", to be precise), Charlie Parker, Miles Davis with his "Kind of Blue" and of course, the classic and most genius jazz album of the century, "Bitches Brew". Listening to it feels like a mixture of your biggest fears and the feeling you have when you're making Teriyaki chicken for your girlfriend for the 1st time and it ends up fantastic, like you're an expert in Teriyaki fucking chicken for 20 years. The composure. The essence of 20-something musicians ALL playing at the SAME TIME. And never even failing a bit. Not one mistake. It is all chaos. Everything's in it's Right Place.

Coffee actually never felt this good. And the cigarette I just finished. I never finished a cigarette as quick as this one. The whole morning is Bitches' Brew. The whole morning is a composure.